From there

I tried really hard at secondary school. My Head Teacher called me into his office just before my GCSEs. I thought it was going to be a motivational conversation congratulating me on my hard work. Instead it was a talk that outlined how I was an average student with average grades and if I just tried harder and got better results than predicted I would be helping the school. This didn’t motivate and I didn’t try harder, I left deflated and never forgot that feeling. I got the grades I needed in the subjects I was alright at and went to college to do A Levels. Turns out that A Levels are very hard, or they were for me. Luckily perhaps, my parents decided to move us to Scotland after the first year, I completed two qualifications in that year in England. I retook GCSE maths – had a great teacher who knew why we were all there and made it as simple as he possibly could so that we could pass – I got a C. I also took Philosophy, I hated that class because the teacher made us read out load, I was and still am a slow reader. I took the exam and failed, I didn’t mind.

Back to school

In Scotland I was enrolled back into secondary school to do Highers. This was where I ‘cracked the code’. And what I mean is I became really good at memorising script (should have been an actor) and regurgitating it in written exams. Authentic assessment was not a thing. I forgot everything within a week of the exams and learned very little but got good grades. I did love art though and I was good at it without having to try really hard so I made plans to go to Art School.

Degree

Art school wasn’t the experience I was hoping for. The teachers didn’t seem to like what I was producing and I found the pace slow and boring. In second year I quit but after 2-3 months working in retail, I was called into the art school for a discussion (oops forgot to tell them I had quit). It was a good meeting and I agreed to come back for the last month of the year. I did all my work in that month and got the best grade so far – fast pace, short deadline – I was in my element. I still didn’t enjoy it but I was motivated to get an Hons Degree and to spend time with amazing friends that I met there. I produced art work that the teachers didn’t hate (although I didn’t love), won an award and swapped my artistic integrity for a 2:1. I graduated and never painted in the style I did at art school ever again (see images – what I painted at art school and the style that is authentically me). I do still paint occasionally but for me and in a style I enjoy, the image on the right below my most recent.

Masters

Fast forward a few (quite a few) years I found myself at the University of the Highlands and Islands in 2016. I had moved with my family to Ross-shire and did a ‘side-step’ coming from a coordinator role at the University of Aberdeen into a coordinator role within the Learning and Teaching Academy at UHI. At UHI I took opportunities offered to build and develop my role and my experience and skills, progressing from Coordinator to Lead and latterly to a Head role in Academic Practice Development. Early on in this progression it was suggested that a PgCert in Tertiary and Higher Education could be an important learning opportunity that would develop my knowledge and skills. I was reluctant, my learning journey so far hadn’t been smooth and the thought of returning to study after so long was scary. My children were also quite young and had their own needs, I spent a lot of time chasing my wee boy about the village as he fled any uncomfortable situation (if you know you know). I agreed to do the first module, I tried hard (obvs), didn’t get a great grade (pass/fail anyone?) but continued on. My grades on the modules steadily improved and I found that I was applying my learning to my work, and then I did my research dissertation module. I loved doing the research, speaking to people, analysing the data and producing some findings. I felt in my element and got a distinction.

To here: PhD

The dissertation module had sparked an interest in research and a belief that perhaps I could do alright in academia. The time wasn’t quite right for a PhD though. My dissertation research was in relation to the UHI Mentoring Scheme for staff. I was coordinating the scheme and having no previous experience in formal mentoring, the research and associated reading offered me the opportunity to really develop my knowledge on the theory and practice of mentoring in education. However I lacked the practical knowledge and application and felt to be authentic in my role and to lead and support the scheme I needed this. I started an ILM qualification in coaching and mentoring. In shear volume of work and commitment it exceeded the Masters study but after a couple of years I completed it and it was invaluable to my role. Prior to the qualification I was considering a PhD in a related area of research because I loved and still love mentoring but between the MEd and the ILM qualification I felt I had ‘scratched that itch’. I had spoken to colleagues and friends over the years who advised to choose a subject I’m passionate about and that would keep my interest for the duration of the research. At this same time the challenges in FE and HE meant ongoing challenges and changes at UHI, at home we were seeking assessments for neurodiversity for the kids and supporting them through their own learning journeys at school. The time never felt quite right and a PhD topic alluded me.

Then two things happened one professional and one personal (not at the same time). The sector started to consider tertiary-ness and I started to consider professional identity at UHI. This was sparked originally from my MEd dissertation research with an emerging theme around identity in our tertiary context and in relation to professional standards. I presented a session at our bi-annual learning and teaching conference in 2023 that explored identity in the context of the PSF 2023 and the Standards for Lecturers in Scotland’s Colleges. I followed this with a blog ‘Professional Identity: Standards and Recognitions in the Changing Landscape of Tertiary Education: Re-imagining GTCS and Advance HE Fellowships‘. My PhD topic was born. But that was two years ago and I didn’t progress the idea as ongoing work and life challenges continued.

Then tertiary-ness ramped up in the sector with the Tertiary Quality Enhancement Review (TQER) and Scotland’s Tertiary Enhancement Programme (STEP). It started to feel like now or never for this topic.

Then in March this year my dad died. I don’t know exactly why this was significant in my decision to submit a PhD proposal only that it was and perhaps a post for another time or just for myself.

So I submitted my proposal to UHI which was accepted this week. I start in January and have a supervisory team with colleagues that I greatly respect and look forward to working with and learning from. I feel motivated and excited to get started.

Why?

I am not sure why this is my first blog post on this personal site. Perhaps because I needed to write it down, or perhaps to share that not all learning journeys are smooth and linear. Perhaps to show that career progression isn’t always obvious or planned (I remember asking what pedagogy was when I started at Aberdeen Uni and what PGR stood for). Perhaps to invite you on this journey with me. Perhaps my PhD journey will not be smooth, perhaps I will not reach the end but I will try hard like I have done throughout my learning journey. Feck the naysayers and stick with those who inspire you, find something you love to motivate you in work and in learning, and don’t worry about failing or finishing, just starting. Be kind to others on their journey.